cultural acceptance

There is no two ways about it.  Intercultural acceptance is a two way street.  In order for one person to feel accepted and respected, the other person has to be willing to do the same.

In Cameroon, there are many social edicts.  Some are gender based, others informed by religion.  Often times these merge – such as what happened in a workshop I recently attended.

The room was set-up in a wide U-shape as is customary.  Sitting at one end, I was able to watch people file into the room and find a seat for themselves.  Periodically, one person would come around the circle to shake hands with everyone – not really to introduce themself so much as to be polite.

An older gentleman, likely the imam of his village (I confirmed this later), started making the rounds.  He shook hands with the man on my right, then with the man on my left.  Then he stood, facing me and said:

“In my religion, it is unacceptable for a man to shake hands with a women, but let me say hello nonetheless.”

I could have had two reactions to this.

1)    be upset because I’ve been told know that’s a misinterpretation of the religion.

2)    accept that this is what he believes, and focus on the fact that he still chose to greet me rather than ignoring my presence altogether.

In fact, I accepted it gratefully.  His easy manner was reverent and respectful.  I could also appreciate that he knew I may not have known the reason for his behaviour and would have felt slighted or perplexed otherwise.

We both realized that effective cultural interaction was not necessarily about changing each other’s way of doing something.  Instead, we recognized the differences and strove to work with, rather than against, them.

Regardless of his reasons – even the dubious cultural no-no of shaking hands between sexes – the fact that it was done so respectfully, makes it a good lesson in intercultural interaction.  And even better since we walked this two-way street together.

time wasted?

When we first arrived in Cameroon, we received “in-country training” to help us adapt to our new surrounding more quickly.  We received valuable information on how systems function, how best to behave in different situations and about taboo subjects to stay clear of.

One of the pieces of advice mentioned repeatedly was in regards to “Cameroonian time”.  We were told, and we have since witnessed, that meetings rarely start on time.  In fact, it was suggested that, as Westerners – who are expected to show up at the hour specified – we should bring a book or ipod to pass the time… 2 hours delay is not uncommon.

But is this really time wasted?

It isn’t unusual in many cultures for this to occur.  It is, however, something quite hard to adjust to.  Frustrating and discouraging is how a few colleagues here have described it.

What makes me curious about this is that it seems like such a contradiction. While start-time is not respected, meetings are always very formal affairs. The ones I have attended have been truly well organized – complete with a set agenda and a stated list of objectives.  The facilitators establish a global objective and several specific objectives – all of which will be clearly written on a board or powerpoint.  The agenda is followed strictly and all of the points get covered.

The quality of the work done by the breakout groups in one workshop I attended was outstanding.  The amount of ownership in the process was remarkable.  In fact, the group refused to break for lunch until every one of the 8 topics assigned were fully explored.

Try that in most other countries!

So when this much effort, this much dedication, is put into meetings and workshops, where does that leave the notion of time?  Is controlling time more important than getting great work done?  Is it time wasted, or simply time deferred?  Does time always have the same value?

In the end, if you anticipate Cameroonian time, and the meeting objectives are met, is it not a success?

Nota bene:  I prefer to bring a notebook for brainstorming and mindmapping while I wait… My Cameroonian time is definitely not wasted!

what’s in a carrot?

Learning to work in a different environment can be challenging at any point in time.  There are adjustments to be made and everyone has to get used to each other.  So it should have been no surprise when a situation occurred which rocked the otherwise peaceful process of integration.  Yet it rocked me enough that I had to take a serious step back and examine what was going on.

I put my coach hat on, and asked myself the three basic questions I would ask someone I was coaching:

What IS the situation?

What is making me so angry about it?

What is my motivation in this?

First, the situation was simple:  While my position is in organizational development and HIV-AIDS, another volunteer in the education programme accompanied the head of the organization to an HIV-AIDS partner meeting.  The reasons why this occurred were unknown to me.

What made me angry – now letting the emotions surface – was that I felt I had missed an opportunity to work in my sector of interest.  I was angry because someone else was given the chance I wanted to have.  Perhaps I felt I deserved to have this chance because it was in my job description.

But what it really boiled down to was where my motivation was.  My carrot, so to speak, is working in health and HIV-AIDS related projects.  That’s what motivates me in my other responsibilities.  It’s what I crave.  It is much as though the motivation is also the reward.

But was that clear to everyone?  Did I ever voice this out loud?

My strategy on how to deal with this became clearer.  In a place where job descriptions become irrelevant in the face of work to be done, did the written word really matter?  It wasn’t going to be about complaining that another volunteer took my spot at the table either.  It wasn’t going to be about telling the boss he had done something wrong.  None of that would be productive in the short and long-term – and none of it was essentially accurate.

It boiled down to this: I needed to ensure he knew what my carrot was.  Motivations and interests are universal.  By discussing openly about how much it means to me to have these opportunities within my area of interest, we got on the same page.  He then knew I was only sharing my desire for further consideration from a motivation standpoint rather than disappointment and anger.  We moved beyond “whose job is it to do what”.

Together we were able to pick a path where motivation and reward became one.

When opportunities come, a well defined – and shared – carrot has a good chance to win.

Awareness: an end to violence against women

Fighting for what’s right is sometimes fighting for rights.  Such was the case on November 25^th – the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women – here in Maroua.

The ceremony in the courtyard of the École Publique du Pont Vert was a sight to behold It marked not only the day but also began 16 days of activism .  It was a united call for an end to early marriages of girls as young as 12, the violence committed on girls in and out of school, and the difficulty of girls having access to an education due to lack of a birth certificate.

The sheer volume of sensitization needed within the community to address all of these issues is overwhelming – it cuts to the core of the community’s identity.

Sensitization and awareness: two important concepts to keep in mind in our globalized world because their effectiveness at any level has meaning.  Here is my take:

As an outsider to these issues, I cannot help but feel the pain of the struggle right into my core.  While I cannot, in my own frame of reference, yet fully understand these issues, I can only hope to learn enough so that my unwillingness to accept violence against girls and women fuels, in some way, actions that will create change.

First be aware, then seek to understand before stating what you are willing to accept – or not – and only then look for actions, solutions and change.

As in a case such as this, it will take a lot of time.  Right now I cannot get much further than the first few steps.  I am stuck on the mental image of a friend’s 10 year old daughter back in Canada.  In Cameroon she could be two years away from marriage.  This beautiful child – not even a pre-teen! – would, in this society I am just getting to know, perhaps not be allowed to pursue an education further than age 12.  Or she wouldn’t have started school in the first place because she didn’t have a birth certificate.

It boggles the mind.  My heart aches.  But then it induces, motivates and pushes me into wanting to understand more what drives this to occur.  It sensitizes me – and hopefully you as well – to open our eyes that much wider to the issues of violence against women in all of its forms.  Violence isn’t always physical.

We can’t all be activists.  But we can all be aware – aware of the fight in our own backyard and the fight halfway around the world.  The ultimate goal is unlikely to occur without both being rid from our consciousness.  Yet action without reflection would diminish the impact – so let’s think a moment:

In what way can you mark a moment where you now stand, have stood or will stand for the elimination of violence against women?

How can you raise awareness within yourself of this ongoing struggle?

How can you affect the life of one other woman so that she, too, can be aware?

 

**this blog post is a two-part cross-posting with “one day: ending violence against women” on the blog Beneath the Mosquito Net**

admirable = fighting?

An interesting piece of wisdom has emerged already in the experience of working in a different culture: what is admired in people. Essentially, what makes people likeable or admirable is not at all what one would expect, such as wealth, position or connections. In Cameroon, so far it is the will to fight.

“Il est bien ce gars là. Il se bat.”

Literal translation: This is a good guy. He fights.

But the meaning is much deeper than just someone who fights against injustice, corruption, or lack of rights. It actually refers to how hard a person is willing to put into his or her own future. It equates to people who refuse to accept things as they are because that is what there is. It concerns people who are willing to consciously forge ahead.

This category of people that are admirable and likeable, from a local perspective, maybe those who work several jobs to care for their families, refuse to pay bribes (or rather a “cadeau” as it is called here), accept things that may be below them in terms of work, but will help them meet their needs. I may even be those who accept lower pay for their work, but put in the highest of quality because they believe it their efforts will flourish.

Essentially being admirable here belongs to people who do not accept the status quo, are determined to push forward and take their future into their own hands.

The obvious lesson from this is the value of re-evaluating what we find admirable. The less obvious is that, perhaps, opening ourselves to seeing admirable qualities and determination from within our own selves – allowing us to see in what way we are willing to fight – may be a new avenue to seeing the same in others.

What do you most readily consider admirable?
In what way could you see “being admirable” differently?
What does “fighting” mean to you?