Earlier this week, I led a workshop entitled “Feedback: the good, the bad and the ugly – giving it, receiving it and what to do with it”. There is no doubt about it, this is a topic we all need to learn more about, because one way or the other, we are all in the giving or receiving position at some point in time.
So here are some of the learnings from the facilitator’s side:
- Saying what we think critically is easier when it’s not called feedback
The minute we bring up the word “feedback”, the room temperature changes. All the bad performance reviews and appraisals cause a direct link to sweat glands. Then the idea that perhaps one would have to give negative information to another just adds in another dimension of fear.
If it takes a different word for people to exchange ideas that will lead to improvement, then so be it! It’s the impact and the outcomes of learning form feedback that count.
- Reframing is key to easing into a feedback rich dialogue
Going beyond the differences between direct and indirect communication, reframing means stating the same idea using different words. Reframing allows for otherwise harsh words to be disarmed. It can make something negative sound perfectly easy to handle. And that makes both delivery and receipt less difficult.
- Give room for improvement or feedback will feel disempowering
If instead of saying “You need to speak up in meetings”, one said “It would be nice to hear more of your ideas in meetings”, a space opens for dialogue as well as for forward movement. The first statement could easily lead to a defensive response whereas the second, delivered in a cordial tone, would incite the person to think about how they might do this. And isn’t the point of feedback to bring on positive change?
- Encouraging openness in exchanging feedback is an essential condition to learning.
Why do we learn anyway? To move forward, to improve, to avoid making the same mistakes we have made in the past. But if we are not open to receiving feedback, we are doomed to only use what we are aware of for ourselves – without the benefit of a second pair of eyes or a different perspective. Self-reliance is nice, but it cannot stand on its own if we aim towards continuous learning.
Most important lesson from giving this workshop is that creating a space for change and encouraging learning in an organization means providing avenues for people to become comfortable with feedback loops.
And using the feedback I received at the end of this week’s workshop: make learning how to give effective feedback a continuous exercise, not a onetime occurrence!
[...] More on feedback learnings on Caroline’s coaching blog. [...]